On Dear and Death

Deer piss me off. That's right. Bambi and his little friends can go to hell.

Twice this week I was nearly killed by deer (or the other way around is more likely). I currently commute an hour each way to and from work through rural Michigan country side. It is not rare for me to see wild life on the side of the road (both dead and alive). I've seen chickens pecking along the side of the road, turkeys attempting to cross, and even a gigantic dead cow in someones front yard, not to mention numerous dead raccoons, opossums, squirrels, etc. However, none of these animals (at least the living ones) have tried to either murder me or com mitt suicide.

On Tuesday morning some little toddler aged deer ran out in front of me from absolutely NOwhere. I came probably 6" from hitting him. I had to slam on my breaks and was thankful that there were no cars behind me otherwise there would have been a crash. Everything on the seat next to me (which is sort of my mobile office) crashed on the the floor spilling the contents of my purse, unplugging my ipod, and nearly giving me a stroke. I had to stop at a near by gas station to pick my heart out from my feet.

This morning while driving a heard of about 10 of these little fuckers ran across the road. As per usual they did not give any sort of warning or show themselves before darting across the road. Once again I had to slam on my breaks tossing the contents of my "mobile office" careening onto the floor, and this time causing me to spill my coffee down the front of my shirt (thankfully it was iced coffee, not scaldingly hot). This is where I draw the line. Coffee is the only thing that makes me a person at 6am, take away 1oz of that miraculous beverage and some shit's going down. Now i was not only short on my elixir of life, but I was covered in coffee. Oddly enough, I keep several changes of clothes in my car and was able to change before arriving at my office, but stripping down to a tank top on the side of the road is never easy nor fun.

Recently Michigan lifted the ban on baiting deer during hunting season. I think this is good. Those little fuckers have a death wish anyway.

From the girl who won't cry while watching Bambi ever again...